Ride Ze Shoopuf. All Aboards
Hopping aboard the newly refurbished Pacific Dawn with its opulent spaces and open decks was a magnificent way to mark my parents 60 birthdays and visiting the island nations of New Caledonia and Vanuatu, with their stunning mountainscapes and pristine diving waters made our first cruise across the South Pacific a most memorable experience.
Navigating our way to the top deck with its luxurious pools, spas, lounges, smokes stack and navigational Bulbasaurs, we beelined for the best spot to say “bon voyage, arrivederci” to the tiny ant people down below as we simultaneously waved each other a fond farewell, for who knows when you’ll see them again. Well I mean, the return date, assuming you actually know the ones you’re waving to… ’cause you know, circuit cruise…
Sailing down the Brisbane River fourteen stories up in a giant, floating highrise offers incredible views you can’t get anywhere else. The elevated perspective is not only a fantastic new way to see a familiar city but an epic way to be introduced to a new one as we were to discover.
The dark, moody clouds that had been threatening to rain on our parade thankfully waited until we were all out at sea to unleash its sopping wet fury, by which time, we had descended into the dry depths of the interior decks below.
Spending what was left of the day bouncing from one space to another, scouting all of the luxurious places that were there for our lounging and drinking pleasure while ticking off some cocktail items off the menu, dinner time had soon descended upon us.
The impressive included onboard dining option was the stuff of high-end dating/ proposal material with warm wooden accents and high ceilings and reusable cloth napkins!!! This was a luxury this plebe was unfamiliar with. Here’s me, all dressed casually for being totally chill, relaxed and comfortable, prepared for a day of going through customs and other such ironic formalities in a fancy, upper-class restaurant where ordinarily I’d have my ass kicked to the curb if I wore that in an on-land restaurant. There were some people dressed to the nines and I was like, “when do you have time for that!” Well, ‘prolly while we were saying Bon Voyage to the nobodies we knew and exploring the innards of the ship while nursing a cold one.
Delicious dinner disgesting, it was time to call it a night. Though the ship had undergone an extensive refurbishment on all the public areas, the arterial halls that trafficked the humanoids were still stuck in what seems like the ’70s as were the accommodations.
None of that was more noticeable than the bathroom and in particular, the shower. Round, brown and off white, the cleansing cubicle was the epitome of retro design and while the throwback to the bygone era was something one could easily overlook, the poop scoop was not! Not only does the slurping, sucking sound it makes as its whooshes your bodily functions away induce your gag reflexes from the vivid imagery it creates, it also doesn’t suck away the paper half the time either! And it blocks regularly too!
The saving grace of the room was that is was clean and comfortable, though the window on the outside left clarity to be desired, by that’s to be expected for a ship that never gets a day off.
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